I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
