like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
