I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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