I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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