p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
