i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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