I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize