shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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