ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
