I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
