Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize