Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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