I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
