i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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