Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
