Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
