hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
