we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You may now shotgun with the bride
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
