walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I could fuck to npr.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
