soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
