I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
