I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
