Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
