When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
