I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
