I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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