Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
