You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
