Will you blow on my dice?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
