Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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