Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
