i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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