the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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