so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
