Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
