I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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