Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
