I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
