Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
