too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
