He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
