She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm really busy with my period
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