If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
