Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
