my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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