google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
