Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
