clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
