its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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