When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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