He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
