Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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