its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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