Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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