I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
