ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
