your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
