Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
