Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
