Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
