you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
