I hate your face
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
