I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
