I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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