just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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