Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
