I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
