I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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