My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
