I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
