when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
