it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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