i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
