Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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