and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
did i just pee glitter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
