you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
