Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize