i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
