she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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