I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize