I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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