My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
