i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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