I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
