Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
