mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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