I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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