Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
