I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
