the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
