Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
